I am currently writing this because I was just told, “Calm down” about a very important wedding aspect and quite frankly, this is not a time to be calm NOR it is a time to tell me that. So, the topic of “what not to say to a newly engaged bride” is extremely relevant because man, people are rude. While this is one of the happiest times of my entire life, it is also the most intense emotional roller coaster I have ever been on.
During the process of telling people of our engagement you’d experience: joy, crying, happiness, joy, annoyance about a random thing and then go back to crying. The telling of an engagement story is SO involved, thank God now I can just tell people to read the blog post.
The Worst Things to Say to A Newly Engaged Person
Don’t have a long engagement, what if you get pregnant?!
…I’m sorry, what? Uh, I guess I’ll just have a baby and then get married? I don’t even know where to go with this one! I’ve been second shooting a lot of weddings where the brides are a surprising 6-weeks along. Perhaps couples get more relaxed around the wedding time, but keep that to yourself.
So do you want kids now?
I’m sorry. I just told you I am engaged and you are already asking me about my procreation schedule. Am I hearing that right? Would you like for me to put together a schedule of when/if we plan on trying so you can call me up the morning after and ask how it went? What if I can’t have kids? Honestly, the things people ask!
I’m not even trying on dresses yet! Let me live a little!
Calm Down
First off, if you know me, you know this is dangerous. Good weddings don’t just happen by accident. There is SO much planning that goes into making a great day. I don’t just want to have a wedding. Instead, I’m composing a symphony of timing, emotion and logistics. So pardon me if I’m a little stressed. Do not tell me to calm down when you haven’t even been told details.
And the motherload….
The ring is pretty, I just expected something bigger
or
I mean it’s pretty, I just expected something different
This one hurt. First off, I love my ring so much. I designed it with a jeweler and it is exactly what I wanted. The diamond I honestly didn’t think I would get because I heard the price and assumed it was too much. Side note: it is super awkward when a jeweler says a price in front of both you and your future fiance. I was shocked when he proposed and I saw the same diamond!
It is incredibly rude and honestly a little monster-ish of you to ever comment on someone’s ring size. You don’t know people’s financial background. There is just no reason to ever say something so crass to someone trying to share the best news of their life. Just no. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Or wreck our relationship.
Is this something just I am experiencing? What weird things did people say to you when you announced you were engaged?
YCoh
First off, people should not be asking you about kids. I get that people are naturally curious and all that, but they should wait for you to confide.
Secondly, your ring is effing gorgeous – elegant and delicate. Everyone who thinks you need a giant diamond for happiness is sad.
I know exactly what my ring cost because we shopped together – that’s just how we do things. It it was one of the first rings I tried on and I love it. We decided on the price range and that was that! I don’t give a crap if it’s smaller than someone else’s, it’s on my finger! I also told my now-husband that I didn’t need an engagement ring, but he felt it was important to him.
To answer your question, lots of people were not surprised when we got engaged. The worst comments displayed that lack of surprise with a lack of enthusiasm. Those people didn’t get an invite in the end when we ran up against our capacity.
My advice, if you want it, is to enjoy your engagement and set aside time together that isn’t about the wedding. It’s so easy for all of your interactions to be swallowed up by the planning.
Meg @ Closet Fashionista
Haha yea, I got the ring comments as well because mine isn’t a diamond. A lot were like “Oh, that’s interesting. Why not a diamond?” and I would say “1. It has diamonds on it and 2 because the main stone is my birthstone and it also has his birthstone on it.”
People also asked why we were getting married so fast (engaged in June, married in October.) Maybe because we were having a super small backyard wedding and it didn’t take as much planning. Plus we’d been talking about getting married for a while.
*big eyeroll*
Karly
Well, as annoying as it is the pregnant/babies comments probably won’t stop. On our actual wedding day, we’re five minutes into the reception when my husband’s sweet grandmother started talking about wearing the same dress to her great-grandchild’s christening … ! (And that was five years ago, still no kids lol). Just try to take it in stride and not lose focus about what your day/marriage is all about.
Rachelle
I cannot believe people actually said that to you, so so rude, wow! Your ring is beautiful and you get to do whatever the hell you want, because well it’s your wedding. Do you!
xo
Pinksole
Lexi
I just got engaged and am right there with you on this! Two days after our engagement, my FMIL (who I really do love dearly) was jumping up and down at a Christmas party singing “20👏🏻21” about grandbabies (we’re marrying in 2020). One of my BMs has told me not to be “such a basic Pinterest bitch” when I said I wanted a rustic theme. And my diamond is very sentimental, having been my FMIL’s engagement diamond that she always wanted to pass down to her daughter (but she had 3 boys) – well, let’s just say it’s a big diamond and my ring is GOREGOUS, which has led to way too many people point blank asking how my fiancé afforded such a ring… You can imagine how THAT makes him feel. And one of my favorites, “What’s your wedding budget??” because like it’s anybody but our and immediate family’s business? Of course, there is SO much more good that has come out of the engagement (just did our photos this weekend!) and we’re so excited for the planning. But alllllll the questions haha.
Callie
Girl, you know how our wedding Day turned out. Days like this really bring out the true color of people’s hearts. It’s not worth the negativity and to be honest, I’m so glad we changed our wedding day like we did. It was how WE wanted it and WE both enjoy sharing our story and how drama free it was after we changed up the details. It’s your love story and you should be allowed to make it as unique and special as you both are! I’ve never met your fiancé, but he is one lucky guy! Just be YOU and enjoy the day girl!! 😘 you deserve it!!
Dani
After graduating college, getting married, moving across the country, and having a baby, I know one thing to be true:
Some people legitimately do NOT know how to have a proper reaction to big life events. Everyone has their own idea of what is acceptable and unacceptable and unfortunately, don’t know how to accept someone else’s idea of what happiness looks like. Moreover, they don’t know how to keep their dang mouths shut lol.
NO ONE will ever be as excited or scared or serious about the big things in your life as you are. Focus on your day. Focus on your love. Take a deep, cleansing breath and smile. This time isn’t about them and their shitty comments. This time is about you and your fiancé.
Lyddiegal
While I’ve not been in your shoes, I think a lot of people just don’t know when to keep their mouths shut! Why it’s ever anyone’s business as to when you want to start a family I’ll never know.
Chic on the Cheap
Elizabeth Nolan
I can relate to the questions about the ring. Michael didn’t give me one when he proposed and people made it seem like he was abusing me by not doing so.
My response became something like, “I am marrying him because I love him, not for him to go into debt for a ring I’ll probably drop down the kitchen sink.”
Linda Quinones
Girl, ya need to calm down! Just Kidding!!! I hate when people say calm down. About anything in life. Like please leave me alone. I am not magically calm now that you told me to calm down, if anything, I am angrier!! I love this post. I’m not personally engaged myself, but I could totally see people saying this and it enrages me. It is honestly so rude so I love that you put it out there. Sometimes the innocent questions are actually not so innocent and they are hurtful and nosy! Best of luck to you in planning your big day!
http://www.livelaughlinda.com