The One With the Lotion and Diet Coke Incident(s)

Last week was the week where instead of Monday – Friday, I just had Monday – Monday. Somehow my actual Monday didn’t feel like Monday, but then time got stuck and I just repeated Monday for the next four days. Want specific examples? Read on.


Enter St. Ives spray lotion. It’s a really great concept. You spray on your lotion, it absorbs quickly and you don’t get your hands overly greasy and you are set. Great idea, right? You can probably already see where this story is going.

I was finishing running errands over lunch so I stopped to get a drink at Sonic. For some reason the most inconsiderate person ever was three cars in front of me and apparently ordered the most complicated order x 10 through the drive-thru. Sonic food is already slow and apparently adding the drive-thru has not spurred them to try and fix this issue.

I put my car into park and reached into the backseat to get something. Remember that super great, convenient can of spray lotion? That morning I had thrown it in my purse with the intention of leaving it at the office. For some unknown reason I decided to put it into my front seat cup holding that is right in front of my gear shifter-thingy. I felt something wet on my leg as I was reaching back but was in the middle of reaching so I got what I needed and then realized my leg was REALLY wet. And so was my door and floor and steering wheel.

How? When I put the car into park and let go the bottle of lotion was perfectly positioned to be stuck on the *spray* position.

I immediately grabbed the lotion from under the gear and looked at the damage. It was like an indoor snowstorm all over my car. While all of this was happening, the inconsiderate car pulled forward and I had to move forward to get my drink. Suddenly Sonic decided to be fast and the car right in front of me got their drink and there I was, panicked, covered in lotion that very much did not look like lotion, my floor was covered and so was my door. 


All of this happened in about 30 seconds by the way.

I couldn’t even make eye contact as I got my drink. I don’t want to know what they were thinking was going on. I was flush, flustered and everything else that begins with an f. 

Oh and you want to know what made the next day a Monday? I was handed a large Diet Coke by a McDonald’s worker. Was the lid on? For about the 20 seconds that they had it in their hand and it made its way into mine, the lid was on. The moment it went into my hand? The lid came off, it spilled all over my lap, door, floor and soaked my skirt and seat. The guy just looked at me and handed me napkins and slowly closed the window.

Seriously. 

Also, next time you think that you aren’t going to get a lunch but end up getting one and in order to maximize your time you order Chipotle online, please remember to grab your wallet that is next to your desk. Just saying. Do yourself the favor. 

P.S. If you’re on Facebook today and want to help a sista out, you can vote for me on Tulip’s Facebook page starting at 10 am CST. It will take less than 10 seconds and I appreciate it!