This post took me 3 hours to write. Words come naturally to me but for this, I didn’t know where to start. I pose in front of a camera every day. I smile, laugh, make funny faces and show a confident self. The truth is that since the beginning of this year I have been spiraling downward. Not mentally, in fact, mentally I am stronger than ever. Physically I have been spiraling out of control. It’s been no one’s fault but my own.
The spring semester came in January of 2013 and I killed it. I worked hard and it paid off. I worked hard to balance school, working, a relationship, keeping up with homework, clean home, etc. Notice something missing? I forgot to work on myself. In fact, I didn’t exercise once in the spring semester. I thought that I was totally burning calories walking to and from class, work etc. The “hill” was totally going to take care of those late night pizza parties, ice cream dates and eating at all hours of the day.
To put it simply, I was spiraling out of control. Not only in my calorie and physical activities I was also spending entirely too much money, not packing my lunch, buying Diet Coke’s like they were the only way I staying alive. I did what every other college student does and totally thought I would workout during the summer and everyone would be all “DAMMMMMNNNNNNNNN ALISSA GOT FINE!!!” and life would be great all all that jazz.
Summer went by. I not only did not workout, I actually started eating even more crap and thought that eating a box of Mike and Ike’s wouldn’t catch up to me. Then it came time for my annual women’s exam and I did my whole, “YOU CAN TAKE OFF 5 POUNDS OFF THE WEIGHT RIGHT?” thing in my head.
I weighed in. I nearly gasped. The nurse had to ask if I was OK. I shrugged it off and googled what was the healthy weight for someone my height. I started sweating, nearly crying. I immediately subtracted 5 pounds and still freaked out. Every minus 5 pounds I was the heaviest of my life.
I did what I always did, I emotionally ate an ice cream cone and drank a large Coke Zero. I didn’t know what to do. I had to do something. I knew what was happening, I could feel it in my clothes. I saw the sizes I was having to squeezing into, I knew all of this and did nothing. Until about 4 weeks ago.
This was a turning point for me. Next week I will talk about what I decided to do about losing weight. It wasn’t an overnight success. It was a struggle, but I’ve learned so much about myself.
Ginny MyNewFavoriteOutfit
Thanks for sharing this Alissa and way to go on your success!
Ginny
Nina Piccini
You are amazing! Keep up the hard work and it will pay off – I hope that you're feeling better than ever!
xo, Nina
afterthe40barfinish
laura halliday
I've been there, Alissa, and I know how hard it is.
When I was your age I was so skinny people wondered if I had an eating disorder. In retrospect, perhaps I did.
My weight was stable until my 40s, and then it crept up. I was in a total state of denial all along. "No, I'm not fat!" Then something happened that made me face facts: I was, indeed, fat. So I did something about it. 160 pounds and a tummy tuck later I'm not as skinny as I was when I was 20, but I'll do just fine, thank you. Nicely slim, just curvy enough.
Good luck. Look after yourself, both physically and emotionally. This is important.
Kelly
I think what's amazing is you're aware of what is happening and you're not letting it take control. Too many people just push it to the back of their mind, letting it sit for months, even YEARS! Good for you for taking the step and making a change. Can't wait to hear about the rest of your story. There's nothing better than looking after yourself.
Sabrina
Oh, I feel your pain with gaining weight during college. It's tough to get that initial mindset of motivation going, but I'm glad you finally had your turning point. Keep it up, you'll be awesome!
Sincerely,
Sabrina
Ladies in Navy
thank you for sharing lady! i think you're so gorgeous, strong and honest and that honesty will carry you through every single struggle. the best part is that you're working on whatever you need to work on, with an open heart and a positive goal. i wish you the best of luck writing this series and sharing your struggle! 🙂 with you all the way
kw, ladies in navy
Nikki
First of all, I think it is really amazing that you put this out there. I have struggled with my weight (ups and downs) since I was 14. I was never one of those who could eat whatever they wanted and never gain a pound. I've always been they type where I eat really well and exercise just to maintain. Ugh the struggles. I went for a while where I pretty much ate whatever and didn't exercise, and I didn't even realize how out of control things had gotten! I have been trying to be better ever since (that was about a year and half ago that I finally opened my eyes).
Second of all, you are looking fabulous. Keep up the good work! Looking forward to reading more!
Nikki
thefashionablewife.com
Sara Strauss {Sincerely, Sara}
I love that you're sharing this! I'm struggling with losing weight as well. I gained weight when I was in college and never worked out, and now that I'm in grad school I'm realizing what an idiot I was. I've been working out on and off for over a year, but only recently decided I've got to kick into high gear and really drop this extra weight. Good luck with your goals!
~Sara
LyddieGal
Keeping balance in life. Eating right. Sleeping right. Exercising. Sounds simple enough to write it there, even to think about how your going to make salads for lunch have more than just a cup of coffee for breakfast, and go for a walk every day.
But it's not. You are far from alone in your struggle. Weight and body image issues plague us all, and I think it's amazing you are willing to be honest about it. and I am so happy to hear you are taking strides to get things where you want them and where you feel comfortable.
tastefulstyle
I just want to say that you've already taken a big step by realizing that something needs to change and being motivated to make that change! I wish you the best of luck in getting healthy!
Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird
As soon as I can get my shoulder to not hurt anymore I'm going to start working out – the eating better is already in place. I do not want to feel gross in a wedding dress!
Good for you for realizing you need change!
thenataliediaries
Such a hard thing to do! Women's bodies change in college. Society calls it "the freshman 15" and while it's true that most of us eat more pizza and candy than we ever have, it's also a natural change that our bodies make. My body changed drastically in college, I took on a more womanly shape (read: hips, thighs, butt). Our metabolisms are changing. Part of it is us and part is nature. Please know that you're not alone:)
Shira
I wish you weren't so hard on yourself and focused more on healthy vs weight loss. 🙁 Screw the scale, screw the number, screw our diet obsessed culture. I'm all for healthy, balanced eating and exercise but not the weight! <3
http://asequinloveaffair.com
Elegance and Mommyhood
It takes guts to share this so thank you. You are a real woman, Alissa and real women have curves and imperfections. You are beautiful inside out. I am looking forward to read the rest of your journey. =)