I make no secret that I am often afraid of birthdays. January 13th if you want to send gifts. I’m old enough now that I can said I’ve had favorite ages and years I’d never want to repeat. I always wonder if the year is going to be one for the books or one to forget. Overall, 26 wasn’t super exciting, but instead a year of a lot of personal growth. I mean, like, a lot of growth.
I went to Therapy
I am extremely open about going to therapy. The reason is that seeing other people talk about it, especially bloggers I read, talk about it removed any stigma I had associated with it. I don’t think of therapy as “fixing” but instead learning. I learned how to deal with anxiety better. I learned how a lot of stuff I ignored manifested itself in ways that hindered me. More importantly, I learned that I needed to have someone to talk to. Not a best friend. Not a boyfriend. I needed that outside guidance.
I cannot say it enough, regardless of where you are, it is okay to see out therapy. It is not a sign of weakness. I view it as a sign of strength, you recognize what you are lacking and what you need.
In the last few months I wasn’t able to go to therapy due to some insurance allowances, but I will be starting again in the new year and I cannot wait!
Developed Deeper Friendships
I actually credit therapy for this. Although I didn’t go for friendship issues, I noticed that as I opened up in sessions, I began to more openly communicate with my friends. Although I am a huggy person, I tended to be reserved around some of my closest friends. One day I finally just addressed it with my longest-tenured friend. She was like, yeah, I’d like to really not have an awkward hug with my best friend from childhood. And then all of the sudden, we talked about other things that we weren’t comfortable bringing up that we needed from each other. Now it’s sad to me to think that I was so reserved with someone who knows me so well, but I was just too shy to bring up what I knew we were both thinking.
And it wasn’t just in obvious ways like that, but my friends really opened up to me and me to them. I have a hardcore ride-or-die girl gang that is fiercely loyal. I will not trade them for anything. However, even when you know someone so well, there are always ways that you can learn more. I got to celebrate births, be there for medical scares and celebrate successes. Through all of those moments my friends let me in, I grew in my pride and love for them.
Even for friends who were just acquaintances, I feel like I opened up much faster than I normally would have which took us from “Hey I know you on Instagram!” to “Do you want to get drinks this Friday?”
I Followed My Gut
The ONE time this year I didn’t follow my gut resulted in a terrible holiday because I was mad at myself. Why? Because I knew in my gut I wasn’t ready for something but I decided to just say I’d do it. The result? A miserable day where I beat myself up for not listening to my gut. I never once regretted it when I did follow my gut.
That’s enough gut talk.
Except that I should definitely take probiotics. Or figure out what those are.
I Owned My Extra
Whether it was hosting a fall party or wearing a velvet jumpsuit and cape (and posing in leaves) that made me look like I was in Glow, I owned it. There’s a freedom in owning who you are, even at your most obnoxious self. Those are the moments that I felt like I was most me and those closet to me understood and encouraged me. Those that did not? Well, they aren’t coming to my next party.
Also for exhibit A, please see the first photo in this post.
Overall I’m kind of sad that 26 is almost over. I have to once again confront my fear of being one year closer to 30 of course. 25 was one of the best years of my life and I was afraid of 26. To be honest though, it’s going to be hard to top 25, but I’m full of hope that 27 is the new 25. The mid-20’s have been the years that I’ve found “me.”
So here’s to closing out 26 and bring in on 27!
Rachelle
Welcome to 27 beautiful, loving how you are working and investing on yourself. Happy Early Birthday.
xo
Pinksole
Keit
I am going to therapy too, and it is the best thing evah! Having someone to talk to who really listens and really wants to fix you is what kept me going.
I absolutely understand where you are coming from and I appreciate your honesty so much.
You look dashing in this velvet gorgeous dress too <3
Lots of hugz, from Keit!
Rachel
I’ve always been inspired by your fearless self awareness. Whether you’re owning your mistakes and flaws or celebrating the things that make you so cool, you’re there for it all. Also – thank you for normalizing therapy/counseling. I think that’s something that really, really needs to become mainstream.
Liz
Love it; fabulous post, as always. Bravo for trying therapy AND for ‘owning your extra’ (love that). Hope 27 treats you well, lovely lady!
Lauren
Hey Alyssa, I love reading your blog because I feel like we are the same person! I just turned 27, I have started fearing (or at least not looking forward to) birthdays, I love to talk about therapy, and I love Old Navy dresses 🙂
I always look forward to your posts because I feel like I’m looking in a mirror. Is that weird and/or conceited? Maybe. But it’s also true!
DawninSac
Okay, so a couple random things…. first off this photo of you is terrific. In fact dear it is a beautiful image of you. I know what sounds a little or a lotta weird coming from a stranger, but I have been a blog lurker of yours for a while (as in darn near since the beginning when you graduated college). I have read your ups and downs and I guess have stuck around in that big sister type of way of wanting to root you on from behind the scenes. Well, this pseudo older sister is happy to hear that you have discovered the insight and reflection that therapy can offer. I can also reassure you that there is A LOT more good stuff around the corner as you migrate closer to three-O. I know it might sound terrifying and insanely O-L-D, but trust me with age come so many benefits. Wishing you the very best for 2018 and for 27….
DawninSac
Alissa
Dawninsac, I don’t know if you’ll get this but I want you to know that you made me cry in the absolute best way. Thank you so, so much for supporting me and “lurking” because you have no idea how much you have meant to me just knowing someone is reading these ramblings!!
Lyddiegal
Happy Almost Birthday! If this past year was one of growth, then this year to come should be one of you getting to live the life you were meant for, one of openness, self-acceptance, and happiness. So I’m sure it will be one for the books.
Chic on the Cheap
Laura
Happy early birthday to you! You look amazing! I love that velvet dress on you!
Whitney
Investing in yourself is the best thing anyone can do. So proud of you and know that I am cheering or you here in Maryland! You are going to continue to flourish at 27, this I am sure of!
~Whitney
http://www.whitneynicjames.com
Kuks
this is such a helpful post. You look beautiful
Wonder Cottage
jessica
I often told my friends that 26/27 are the years of revelation, growth, and awe with yourself. Embrace it, love it and by all means conquer it!! Would love for you to stop by and check out the latest!
xo, Jessica || The Petite Diaries
alyson
Happy birthday to you! Absolutely love this post, your transparency, bravery and vulnerability. Therapy is everything and it’s incredible how it’s also strengthening your friendships as well.
alyson
http://www.themodernsavvy.com