My biggest regret of 2015 was that I didn’t see this quote soon enough, “Don’t you dare shrink yourself for someone else’s comfort – Do not become small for people who refuse to grow.” I didn’t even realize that I was bending over backwards to the whims or someone else until about six months later when I woke up for the 12th night in a row from having night sweats, stress dreams, constantly thinking about the verbally sharp, pointed at me emails that were going to greet me in the morning. I was just trying to get through the day in a way to not upset them, just try and get things done for customers and walk away without too many scars from the day. I hoped that I could just have one night where I slept well, through the entire night and could wake up refreshed.
I wish that I would have realized that I could, and was, doing every possible thing to make that person happy, but the real issue was that they weren’t happy with their own circumstances and felt a sense of purpose in making someone else feeling small.
It seems so obvious what was going on, but at the time it really felt like I wasn’t enough, I was doing every single thing wrong (even down to the way I wrote my name), and I bent over whichever way I needed to in order to just do my job . I wanted to fit in. I wanted to get through this “phase” and be able to sleep, focus, breathe, not have anxiety and be able to look forward to waking up.
My focus was to fix whatever I was doing wrong, which I am thankful that I did because it was really important for me to realize that I was doing everything I could and it still wasn’t enough, and then see if the situation was less. I can write a million “I wish…” statements but I’d never been in the situation before so I realize now that I had to go through that situation in order to realize that sometimes people aren’t comfortable with your own growth and desire to become the best that you can be, because they have stopped their own growth. I thought that it was my issue to walk in because I felt like I was the issue, but I realized that after doing every single thing they wanted, no questions, no pointing out hypocrisies, just doing it, that they still weren’t satisfied.
You truly cannot win in that sort of a situation, no matter HOW HARD you try to fix it. Thing is though, that sometimes people don’t want the situation to be fixed and that does not mean that you should continue to shrink in order for them to feel big. If the situation calls for you to not be who you are and stop growing, you need to realize that this is no longer about you, it’s about them and no matter what you do, because you should keep your head up and smile, you are not the issue and until they address the incredible issue that is making them so uncomfortable that they lash out, nothing will be resolved.
Today I can tell you that not only have I grown since this situation, I’m exploded. I’ve poured my energy into learning, diving into new things because I realized what you can become when you chose to stop growing. I’ve chosen people to be in my life that encourage this. I’m sure that at some point in my life I’m going to encounter the same type of person I was dealing with, but this time I know to first make sure I’m not the issue and then refuse to shrink for someone else’s comfort.
I know that we can never fully know what is going on in someone else’s life, but if you are where I was last year, please know that you will never regret continuing to grow, take the high road and do your absolute best, even if that is met with resistance and a little bit of bullying. Don’t you dare shrink yourself for someone else’s comfort.
Rachelle Pinksole
Ditto girl, you have to always be true to yourself and people just need to get over it. On another note, you look gorgeous and that dress is oh so cute.
xo
PinkSole
Public Lives, Secret Recipes
Love the dress!! Super cute! xo
http://publiclivessecretrecipes.com
Christina @ Simple and Delish
I'm all about being true to myself.. you rock, girl! Loving your outfit as well!
Christina :: Simple and Delish
BLovedBoston
Such a gorgeous look on you girl! I love that sweater dress! xo, Biana –BlovedBoston
viv
Great post, girl!
http://www.fashiomtruffles.com
Katie
Congrats on realizing there was an issue and fixing it. That can be so hard, especially when it involves others. Doing what's best for yourself can be hard, but the payoff is worth it in the end. xo
Garaytreasures
I am proud of you for sharing! I am glad you left that abuse cycle and are continuing to grow without that person(s). I am sad that people can use others because they are unhappy or clueless. Lovely outfit by the way.
Rachel xo
http://garaytreasures.com
Lauren {Fizz and Frosting}
It sounds like you were in a really tough situation, but that is awesome that you were able to learn so much about yourself and grow from it! On a lighter note, I really love this dress! It is so cute on you!
Fizz and Frosting
Alison at Wardrobe Oxygen
What a great reminder, and I am so glad you got out of that situation. And to share this message with such a great look too!
Shannon Jenkins
Girllllll you look fabulous!! In love with this dress and boots! Also i am proud of you for putting yourself first! Go girl!
<3 Shannon
Upbeat Soles
Jessica
I'm happy to see you're not letting anyone or anything get you down! Happy Monday 🙂
26 and Not Counting
Ali Hval
I love this post. I love it I love it I love it, and I believe it applies to all aspects of life. I am so so happy you made a change and are so happy about it. Seeing you so genuinely happy about your lovely new place, your awesome job, a boss who actually appreciates you for the incredibly kind and wise woman you are… it makes me grin like a dork!! I LOVE YOU LADY! You deserve all the best in the world.
Priscilla Eliodoro
I love the dress! And well said, sometimes we need to loose certain people in our lives to continue growing! Happy Monday! 🙂
http://hairandvibes.blogspot.com
Nina Kobi
You look super cute in this dress.
Nina
http://www.ninasstyleblog.com
Closet Fashionista
Ugh! Sometimes I don't understand why some people feel the need to make others as miserable as them! I'm glad you got yourself out of the situation and will be able to handle it if something like that happens again!
On a happier note – love the outfit! That dress is amazing 😀
http://www.closet-fashionista.com/
Natalya F
Wow, nice post! Love your dress 🙂
fatacarolina.blogspot.ru
❤
Keri H
Wow, gorgeous outfit! I am so in love with that gorgeous statement necklace. I need it!
Enclothed Cognition/Bloglovin
Rachel Dinh
Great reminder, I also wish I saw this earlier. You are looking great girl.
http://www.racheldinh.com
Straight A Style
That is a lose lose situation. Glad you are out of it and have grown because of it. Love this dress/boot/statement necklace combo!
Amy Ann
Straight A Style
Nicole Layne
That quote is so true! I firmly believe everything happens for a reason and we have to go through things to learn the lessons sometimes. Your perspective on this is great and I'm happy to hear that this situation is behind you!
Nicole
Nicole to the Nines
Shea Sayers
What a great quote and I love your story on what it meant to you. I'm so glad you were able to realize that there was nothing you could do when it was the other person who was just not satisfied… so many times we fail to see that when we're on the inside. I love this look–that dress looks so comfy and cute!
Shea | http://www.shealennon.com
Everday Fashion
Wow! This is so powerful! You are so brave to write this post. I thank you. Growth can be hard and trying to change to someone else's will is never a good thing. Congratulations on fixing this and getting to a happy place.
xo, Lee
http://www.wineandcouture.com
Chelsea Davis
You look stunning and super confident! Don't let anyone bring you down at all. Sometimes these situations are not predictable and you can't fix it. I had a similar situation yesterday. I am glad you finally came to a successful outcome.
XO Chelsea http://www.shesaidhesaidfashion.com
Whitney Damrau
figuring out the problem is always so hard. Sometimes you just don't see it or worse you don't want to. I completely understand. Congratulations on growing and moving forward, that is a really hard thing to do and to do it well with a positive outlook is even harder. You should be very proud of yourself.
Xoxo,
Whitney & Blaire
Peaches In A Pod
Jenn
Super refreshing post! You look so confident in these pictures. I think sometimes it can be easy to slump down and give in; it takes real courage and willpower to move past the bad and focus on the good.
a small bit | bloglovin | twitter | latest post
Daily Style Finds
So well said – people cannot change who we are or make us feel less than we are! Thank you for sharing. Fashion related – do you like Joe Fresh – I have thought about ordering from them – and your dress is super cute!
Lisa
Daily Style Finds
Bri Marie
This! I wish I could have read this when I was 23. And sent it to all of my female friends heading into the workforce and dating world. This. This. This. Thanks for sharing the quote, and your thoughts, and for being so open and honest and true lately on the blog. You're amazing!
Karly @ Miss in the Midwest
Absolutely love the message of this post, girlfriend. I think a lot of us have been in this situation, and you're damn right – never shrink yourself to make someone else feel better. Not only will you feel worse, but the other person most likely won't feel better either.
laurensparkle
isn't it funny to look back and realize how bad some things really were. it's impossible to come out unscathed in these cases. glad to hear that things are looking up for you now and you look gorg in that dress!
Mira L.
What a great quote! I agree with you there are situations that cannot be resolved and sometimes it takes us a while to realise that the best thing is to walk away from it. I love your dress btw! xx
113-things-to-say.blogspot.com
MushroomStew
This dress is so chic and FIERCE with those boots! Smashing look!
Xoxo,
Ashley || Sed Bona
Laura Bambrick
First of all, that dress is adorable! You are rocking it! Second of all, I just love the messages and stories (serious or not) in your posts. You do such a fabulous job of writing! The message today is important for all of us, because we will always have someone like this in our lives and we need to take a step back and figure out if they are even worth the effort!
nicole s.
So proud of you constantly. This quote is so important in so many ways. While I don't currently relate to it the way you did recently, I have before and it's one of the worst challenges to face. For me, right now, this resonates in a body image sense; feeling like I need to shrink myself physically to make the people who see me more comfortable. Space and how much of it I take up is something that has plagued me since high school, and I'm finally fighting against the thought that I should always be shrinking, and instead I'm trying to find comfort in taking up as much space as I need.
Thanks for sharing, sweets. P.S. that dress/necklace combo is one of your finest.
xo nic
writeslikeagirlblog.com
Libby G.
I so needed to hear this today, Alissa! Thank you for sharing, it a great reminder to always keep your head up and "eye on the prize".
Libby
http://www.styliniowan.com
Kate at Green Fashionista
Awesome post gurlie! And loving this dress on you, gorgeous <3
Green Fashionista
Stylin' In St. Louis
Love this quote girlie! I totally agree! Being around those people is always depressing! It is so hard to work with them!
xo,
Jacqueline
Stylin In St. Louis
Shira
Have I mentioned that we need more bloggers (and people) like you in this world?? ughhhh wish we lived close to each other, I feel like we'd hit it off so well haha!
http://asequinloveaffair.com
Kristina
Great text – and soo true! And I love your dress, such a great piece for everyday.
♡ Kristina
TheKontemporary
Nicole
WOW, love this post Alissa. Its so relatable and a situation so many of us can relate to. Thanks for your honesty and positivity.
XO, Nicole
Mira Tolvanen
Looks stunning!
http://www.hotdecades.com
Tara | The Mix
You always have the best outlook on life…I love that you keep it real! Looking fabulous lady!
Rachel Lynne
I love love love this post. It's so true. I hate that I had a period of my life where I felt the need to abide to other people or not truly be who I am. Also, love your dress!
Kellyinthecity
Girl, this is gorgeous!! LOVE that dress! 🙂
Kelly | Kelly in the City
Rachel McCarthy
This is such a great post and SO true! You look fabulous!!
xo, Rachel
A Blonde's Moment
Brooke A
Amen to all of this!! I had a working relationship/ friendship with someone like that before, it was so refreshing when I moved on from it. You grow girl!
Brooke
pumps and push-ups
its Jessie and Danni
You have to always be true to yourself! 🙂 Gorgeous dress! x
http://www.itsjessiejane.com/
Marta
Good for you for being able to come out of this situation stronger and learning & now sharing this important lesson too!! Such a well written, honest post!
You look super adorable in this dress too!
Marta
http://www.sweatersstripesandsweets.com
Jenn, hellorigby.com
Ugh, some people really suck and love to bring others down. I'm so sorry you went through that but I'm so glad you realized it wasn't worth changing yourself to make this miserable person happy. I have a few family members like this and that old saying that misery loves company is definitely true. So glad you moved on and ahead!
s
love this post girl. also your hair is so so pretty! xO!
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Head to Toe Chic
yay so happy for you!! I definitely know how you felt.
You looks pretty and I love that dress 🙂
xo,
Angela
LyddieGal
That sounds like a miserable job, and while it sucks that you suffered for such a long time, I'm glad you realized sooner than later that someone else's problems were not your own and that you can't let them bring you down.
Chic on the Cheap
Trang Do
Beautiful dress! You looks so pretty!
Xoxo,
Love from http://www.trangscorner.com {a lifestyle, fashion, beauty, and food blog}
Elle Sees
glad you have grown from this situation. how difficult! i wish i had your grace for handling things like this! good for you, doll.
Gold Coast Girl
Such a cute outfit and love that dress on you! You go girl!
~Samantha
http://goldcoastgirlblog.com
Alyson Seligman
So proud of you and the honest dialogue you bring out each day. It REALLY matters and impacts other women's lives for the better. (and perk: you look gorgeous doing it!).
alyson
http://www.theaveragegirlsguide.com
Darcy
That sounds SO horrible :(. It's great you were able to grow from the experience and you look fab in these photos!
http://www.amemoryofus.com
Elana Katz
I love visiting your blog because I always feel so motivated and inspired after reading your posts. I am so sorry you had such a terrible experience last year, but it's so inspiring to see how you've grown out of it. Also, you look great while doing it, so that's just an added bonus 😉
http://www.room-334.blogspot.com
Vildana Šuta
Such a beautiful post,dear!
Do you want to support each other by following on GFC? If you'd like that, please follow me on the both of my blogs and I'll follow you back ASAP when you write me a comments on the newest posts. xx 🙂 <3
Vildana from :
Vildana from :
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Olivia
These are amazing tips!! They can be applied to both your professional and personal life!! I definitely gained great insight from your post!
-Olivia
Miss Olivia Says
Mlle Coconath
Inspiring post!
xx
Mademoiselle Coconath
http://mllecoconath.com
Elegance and Mommyhood
You have a way with words my friend. You are beautiful inside out. That is a great quote and as always fantastic tips. Such a smart quarter of a century girl you are!
And that gray knit dress – I want it!
Please join my new linkup today. It is currently live! Thank you and Happy St. Patrick's Day! Ada. =)
http://eleganceandmommyhood.blogspot.com/2016/03/thursday-moda-3-and-st-patricks-green.html
awhite
You gotta do what's right for you- and standing up for yourself is so, so key. Good for you, lady. Digging the dress on you- that mixed media jam is a stunner.
-Ashley
Le Stylo Rouge
Ashley Greenwell
Love that quote!! Such a great reminder for 2016!
Harija
Love your post!!
I am glad you enjoyed reading my Toronto Fashion Week posts.
Thanks for the support and thoughtful words on my recent post, I deeply appreciate it!!
MyLyfeMyStory
Brazen Brunette
Loved reading this post, everything you said was so true! Some people are just miserable and try to bring you down, I worked with someone similar in my last position, and it was horrible…but definitely a great learning experience. Thanks for sharing 🙂
xoxo Nicole
http://www.brazenbrunette.com
CM
You look gorgeous!^-^
Nice blog, dear!
http://www.caterina-m.blogspot.com
Bogi RedReticule
I think we all come across personalities like the one you described. It's never worth trying to change in the hopes to please someone. It's short lived (if at all). On the fashion note: You make the simplest dress look so special. Such an easy and chic look.
http://redreticule.com
Paige Freund
You look fabulous! Love the outfit and love this post!
Beautygirl 24
I love that quote! I'll have to keep it in mind because it's something I struggle with a lot and I feel like I'm floating through life instead of allowing myself to grow. Thank you for always being so thoughtful 🙂
Jen Hsieh
A bit late to this conversation but YES. So much yes to this quote and its strong message. You can only control how you react to a situation and you can only do the best you can do. Screw the guys getting you down and focus on making yourself stronger. CRUSH EM by lifting yourself up.
JennifHsieh
Abigail Castro
I love it! What a beautiful quote to share and remind yourself always. You have a fantastic smile, I'm sure you'll get by!
xo,
Abby of Life in the Fash Lane
Bree Aylwin
Great outfit and great quote- words to really remember when someone is constantly feeling the need to judge you.
Kylie Mavrakis
I wish I could add a million clap hand emojis to this comment. You go girl. Sending you big virtual hugs and high fives!
xo Kylie
http://www.dressinsparkles.com
Jacquard Flower
Wonderful outfit! I love the dress and your hair! Gemma x
http://www.jacquardflower.uk
Ramona
That dress looks amazing on you.
xoxo
Ramona
http://ramona-strikeapose.blogspot.ie
Kristina Gifeld
i love your smile!
With kindest kisses from,
Amasingly – Light, Love, Lifestyle
Chelsea Marrs
This is SO important for everyone, especially us women to remember! It's our life so we have to make sure we're living it for ourselves. And you look gorgeous and happy!
Chelsea
Chow Down USA
Instagram
Unique Geek
I really love that quote. I completely understand what you went through. It's definitely not fun, that's for sure. :/ On the bright side, I love your outfit!
Unique Geek
Chelsie Carr
What a powerful post! I'm so glad you shared that quote with us because it's so important to realize that it's OKAY to learn new things and to not let anyone hold us back!
xo, Chelsie @ Hey There, Chelsie
Allie Provost
that is such an amazing quote!!! *immediately puts on fridge*
haha and you look absolutely adorable!!
xo
allie
pretaprovost.com
NotJessFashion
so gorgeous! this look is pure classy!
http://notjessfashion.com/sense-of-simplicity
Katelyn Chef
DITTO–Inspirational read
xo-Katelyn
theyellowspectacles.com
Style & Poise
So cute! The bling jewels were the perfect accessory.
http://www.stylenpoise.com
Kombat Mortal
Thank you for sharing valuable information. Nice post. I enjoyed reading this post.
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Shawna Walker
You are phenominal and don't forget it!